Mother's thoughts
by Nocturnal
Summary: Basically Lily's sad thoughts at watching her son from when he's first put on the dursely's step to his first day at school.
1. Default Chapter

I open my eyes wide, and sit up quickly. Turning to my left I see James sleeping beside me and I sigh in relief when I realize that it was just a nightmare. Calming down I look about me, and then I realize, that I am indeed, dead.   
  
'Oh dear' I whisper.  
  
Around me I find leaves of all kinds attached to vines that crawl upon trees that reach to the heavens of this heaven. I sigh, immediately turn to my right, wanting to see Harry, my year old child. And find nothing. Soft soil under my fingertips crunch in my clenched fist as I sob at the loss. Then I realize, that he'd been saved. I had saved him.   
  
'Oh my son all alone-' my eyes flare up as realization finally hits home. 'PETTIGREW!' I yell - my whole frame shaking in anger as I stand up.   
  
'Wha- Lily what's going on? I had the most terrible dream- oh my god!'  
  
I smile; James was always somewhat dense when he first wakes up.   
  
I put my finger to my lips, tell him to be silent and to sleep,   
  
Harry was safe; I'll go look after him. Perhaps heaven really is   
  
Heaven- he actually listens to me. I look around, my earlier anger   
  
somewhat abated as I seek a way to see my baby. I walk about, it's a   
  
maze, but not a maze at all, I know my way around as if I lived here   
  
all my life and far off in the distance I hear singing. I come to a   
  
stop, in front of me is a well, a pail of bronze coins beside it.   
  
Picking one up instinctively I toss it into the well, watching it   
  
glint as it falls to the pool of water below. The image of darkness   
  
changes. And I see a scene as if from a movie. Hagrid on Sirius's bike,   
  
- oh poor Sirius, oh poor poor Sirius, he shall be blamed- blamed   
  
for it all- Hagrid handing a bundle I recognize as my son -   
  
in the baby blue blanket I had covered him in only this morning...tears fall from my eyes as I see his sleeping figure and realize that I can never smell his baby smell anymore or touch his little fingers. But I guess, I can watch him grow. Dumbledore holding my baby Harry and depositing him upon the front step of- oh my goodness! Not Petunia! Oh dear god - not her and Vernon! Oh god. They leave. And I stand in wait, watching my son all alone on the floor, morning comes in the pool and I feel James' presence behind me and we both watch as my sister opens her door expecting a daily mail, and finding my lightning bolted child. Oh the scream that issued from her coarse throat. The scene dissolved as she turned around to call Vernon. I immediately reached for another coin, only to have my hand stilled be my husband, who was still grinning at Petunia's reaction. "You'll want to see him again later - don't waste all your coins on the first day."  
  
I silently agree, and turn around to explore this place I've heard so much about since childhood, and find out where that singing came from. 


	2. Realisation

Smiling, I wonder back to the glade we have adopted as home, and my eyes rest upon the well, but now that I understand from that grace filled meeting that it was all meant to be. My contented self walks towards what I know in the glorious morning shall be shade, and I hear James follow me. We lie down, looking at the stars, they're so near now - I could almost touch them. It seems James was thinking the same, he reaches out, and picks a star from the sky and it's light is so great so near that we both fall asleep. Our dreams untroubled.   
  
The next morning we wake up, the world so clear, so bright, we remember again that it's no world upon which we lie. Laughing, I turn to James, saying "well? You said one each day didn't you?"  
  
"I said no such thing - I merely - hey lily!" cried my poor husband as I ran towards the well, barefoot on grass that I knew was fresher then it's own dew. Taking another bronze key out, I look out, and quietly whisper, "bronze forever, just like the memories they make." Smiling I held it above the water and waited for James to run up before letting it drop to the floor of the well. As before the I saw an image, somewhat above harry, and oh god! He turned around and looked at me! I swear, "James! Did you see that! He knows we're watching!" "huh? He's a baby - only a year old lily- but he seems a bit big for a year old - he looks two!" I look down at Harry who's sitting on the floor of Petunia's living room on that vile Persian rug of hers. Indeed my son was a year older than when I last saw him. "James."  
  
"yes, dear." He says absently as he watches Vernon scream at some adoption agency as they refused to take him on the grounds that Petunia was Harry's only living relative and they could well afford another child.   
  
"a day of ours is a year of theirs."  
  
"I know."  
  
"what?!"  
  
"well. Dad told me when we met him earlier and-"  
  
"and it didn't occur to you to tell me?"  
  
"sorry! You know I thought once we'd reach heaven you'd stop yelling at me but noooo- you ALWAYS have to yell - always!"  
  
"look-" I was cut off as I saw Petunia pick up Harry roughly, "hey! Stupid cow! Pick him up nicely put that much work into your pig of a son!" I screamed.  
  
Harry just looked at her and said "da?" aaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww - me and James cried as we watched her stuff our baby son into a cupboard under the stairs. Well, he never was afraid of the dark...oh dear. He crawled into a corner, oh you evil woman petunia, he's a baby I wanted to cry but couldn't for the tears. We watched him sleep finally, the spiders afraid for now came no near him and he slept undisturbed.   
  
As he was asleep my thoughts turned to Sirius, his ordeal, and slowly the image shifted to an old court room I had once gone to make an assignment about magical law. There he was, I heard James gasp as he watched his best friend be carried away by dementors. In the crowd, we saw Remus, all alone. Peter supposedly dead, James dead, Sirius evil, what shall the last marauder do?   
  
I sniffed, and James sat down, his back to the well's wall. "Azkaban, Lily he's going to Azkaban, Sirius. And Moony...the full moon only days away." I held him, telling him about how life on earth isn't the real one - soon one day they'll be happy again. "hey'll be here with us, and together you lot can wreak havoc in heaven". He smiled a watery smile, and decided he needed food, we went to find some. Steak sounds awfully nice at the moment, even though it IS morning. 


End file.
